Spacegoat’s Portal

Good morning.  I got the scale moving again this week.  I had a little bit of an aberation last week when I gained a half a pound.  I knew that it was some weird circumstance since I did not eat enough to gain.  So this week is bound to be a good one.

This morning I weighed in at 244.8lbs for a loss of 2.8lbs this week and a total of 120.2lbs.  So I’ll call it 120lbs in a year.  Having fun with math, that’s 9.9lbs a month, or 2.3lbs a week, or 0.3lbs a day.  I set my goal weights based on the assumption I’m losing 2lbs a week, so I have been right on target with that even though I may not make it every week.

I gotta say though that it’s becoming more difficult to maintain that pace.  On the eights of every ten pounds I lose a flex point.  I’ve lost 9 flex points since I started (they don’t start dropping off until you lose 10% of your starting weight).  To give you an idea, an apple is a point.  So I can eat 9 less apples a day.  Back at my beginning points limit I had no problem staying under and would have had a hard time getting those extra 9 apples in.  But now I can easily go over if I’m not careful about what I eat all day.  And I wish my belly would recognise that I don’t need to eat as much because it is complaining a lot more.  I go to bed hungry more often than I used to.  So as I get closer to that 200lbs the more work it’s going to be.  That’s prettymuch what I expected.

In other news, moving preparations are slowly moving along.  I’m quickly running out of weekends, but I think I’m making progress.  I packed up my living room this weekend.  Everything except my electronics that is.  Of course I don’t have much that isn’t electronics in my living room, so there’s still a lot of work to do there.   I also packed up all my pictures.  I bought a big roll of buble wrap and wrapped them all up.  I sure do have a lot of those!

Besides all the big stuff, I’m getting real close to hotel mode.  That is having everything packed except what I would usually bring to a hotel with me.  I was thinking of getting to that point this weekend but I can’t bring myself to pack up my kitchen just yet.  There is a lot I could pack and just leave myself with the bare essentials. But I’d rather not half pack my kitchen.  I’d probably pack something I need.  I’ll probably do the kitchen last.  That leaves me with just my bedroom and the bathroom, and the bedroom is almost done.

Yeah I’m getting real close.  It sure doesn’t feel like it though.  I still have so much stuff in here to get rid of.  I probably won’t feel like I have everything under control until I dump my unwanted furniture.  That will really leave some empty spaces behind.  Of course after I do that I won’t have any living room furniture.

Alright, I’m boring myself again.  I can’t imagine moving logistics is very interesting to you either.  So I’ll stop myself right there and wish you all a good week.

Today is the one year anniversary of my new goodie two shoes life style.  One year ago today I was sitting in this very chair before work and I signed up for Weight Watchers.  I’ve been asked by several people what pushed me to make such a life changing decision.  Looking back to my post about that day, all I had to say was that it was a whimsical decision, but there must be some deep seeded reason.  I still can’t point to any kind of epiphany that I had, at least not at that time.  But I can tell you, now that I’m removed from the mental quagmire that I was in,  I was caught up in a very real life and death decision.

I was a heavy drinker, going through a case of beer or a liter of whiskey (and sometimes both) in a weekend.  I was a chronic smoker and breathing was becoming increasingly difficult.  I developed a constant rattle in my chest and I had to take shallow breaths when I was talking on the phone or sitting in meetings so that my wheezing wasn’t audible.  I was fat too.  Eating usually one large meal a day, usually fast food or some sort of frozen food.  Anything quick and filling.  I was about two years into a state of being where any sort of physical activity would have me out of breath and sweating profusely.  So I never went anywhere.  I just stayed home and drank and smoked and killed myself little by little.

It was litterally a life and death dilemna that I was caught in.  I’m not being metaphorical about that.  I was very aware that I was going to die in my 40s.  I was beginning to think I wouldn’t last another 5 years.  On several occasions over the last few years I had considered this, and asked myself if I was okay with that.  Was I prepared to die?  And each time I let my behavior answer that question by heading to the liquor store and buying a bottle of scotch and two packs of Marlboro Lights 100s.  Yes.

So on that fateful morning one year ago I was thinkng those happy thoughts again.  But that day, for whatever reason, I had another thought.  Why not try?  I mean what have I got to lose?  I was looking at a few different diet web sites and I was thinking, you know this doesn’t have to be some kind of big freaking deal.  Hell I hated eating at that point.  I would eat and it would make me sick.  I’d be quite happy if I didn’t have to eat at all.  So I decided to make a 3 month comitment to Weight Watchers.  Give it a shot, and the worst that could happen is that I wasted $65.  That was it.  I figured I would probably quit after a week or two but at least I could say I tried.

Who knew that trying was so infectious?  The first thing I learned was that food didn’t make you sick.  Once I ate three squares with reasonable proportions, and good food not junk,  I felt kind of… better.  Who knew that feeling better is so infectious?  On the first weekend after starting my diet.  I had my usual binge.  I could do that on my plan as long as I counted the points used.  But hey, that made me feel ill again.  So I decided to lay off the hooch for a month.  Try it, see what happens.  After a month I felt much better and lost 18 pounds, and decided I didn’t want to go back to my old ways.  I started exercising and it became easier to get around.  Weeks passed and I decided I would feel much better if I quit smoking.  I like feeling better and all I had to do is try.  What did I have to lose?

Here I am 365 days later, 118 pounds lighter, still off the hooch, and a non-smoker for… 293 days, 11 hours and 11 minutes.  Looking back now, I’m amazed.  Not so much over what I accomplished in the past year, but how I accomplished it.  I keep being told that it must be really hard, a lot of work.  It’s not. All you have to do is try.  You don’t even have to mean it.  Just do it and see what happens.  With each of those decisions to improve my life in the past year that’s all it took.  I tried, and in trying, learned that the doing wasn’t all that hard and it was worth it after all.

Of course you all played a role too.  Your words of encouragement and support have kept me motivated and I really needed that since I wasn’t very keen to do this for myself in the begining.  So thank you all for being there.  Feel free to stick around too.  I’m not done by a long shot. There’s a lot more trying to be done.

Good morning again.  I took it kind of easy this week on the diet and exercise.  Many days I ate all my points and even dipped into my activity points a little.  I kept up with my 60 minutes a day walking.  So I’m not expecting any great loss this week.

This week I weighed in at 247.6lbs for a gain of 0.4lbs.  Well I wasn’t exactly expecting that.  Some weird body chemistry thing is going on here because to gain 0.4lbs I’d have to have a 1,400 calorie surplus this week.  That’s like a breakfast and lunch.  It’s funny though, because now I’m right back on schedule.  So maybe there’s a lesson in that.  Don’t push it.  I’m on a good pace, and I just need to be patient.  So that’s that.  Moving on.

As you could deduct from my day count, I will be celebrating the one year anniversery of my “change” this week. My initial weight of 365lbs was taken on August 30th last year, and this Thursday I will find out just how much I managed to lose in a year.  I’ll be sure to put up a yay me post on thursday to commemorate the momentous occasion.

Work is going OK.  Something has come up though that’s been bugging me.  It’s more of a general annoyance with social niceties than it is about anything specific at work.  You see when you’re trying to watch what you eat it can be difficult enough to keep away from the junk food or having an extra helping of something.  The last thing you want to be faced with is someone giving you food.  But all too often at work I tempted with junk food.  Last week.  I found a pale of junk food at my desk.  With a note that said “3.5 energy kit.”  It’s a project I’m working on.  It was a little pale with some Hershey’s nuggets, some m&ms, a couple packets of crackers and a bag of peanuts.  I took an inventory of that little gift pale and found to be 1,400 calories of yummy junky food type substance.  Do I want to eat it?  Yes!  Will I? No!  Ok maybe the hersheys nuggets.  Now I have this pale o’ temptation sitting at my desk and every afternoon when I’m feeling peckish my gaze is drawn to it.  It want to be eaten.  It’s begging me to eat it.  Why don’t I just throw it out?  I don’t know, maybe it’s all the starving children in Africa.  I should just give it away to my office mates.  But it wants me to eat it.

And then on Friday it was the birthday of someone in my department.  Another guy in my department made a very yummy looking chocolate cheese cake.  So I get called into this secret meeting, that is actually an office type surprise for the birthday lad.  So yeah, there’s cake.  No, I can’t have that. My margin is narrow today because I just ate 4 fucking hershey nuggets.  But you go ahead I’m just going to sit here and watch you all eat that delicious looking cake.

And of course every Friday is treat day at work.  Each department takes turns bringing in treats on Friday afternoons.  No, it’s never fruit and vegetable platters.  It’s always brownies, rice crispy bars, cakes, chips, scones, and donuts.  mmm… thanks work!

So my rhetorical question of the week is, what the hell is up with that?  It seems like the eating of junk food has become synonymous with any kind of gathering, celebration, or acknowledgment.  No wonder everyone in this country is fat with diabetes.  But what can you do about it?  It’s all good intentions.  I can’t complain about it, because that make me a total dick.  So I just need to smile and try to put up with it.

So there’s my weigh-in and my rant for the week. Look for a post on Thrusday.  Oh, I just remembered I have Friday off too.  No treat day for Brett!  Enjoy your Sunday and your rest of the week until Thursday.